My Best Friend Bamfed into Middle–earth
by dreamingfifi
Summary: ...and left me behind.


Disclaimer: I do not claim any copyrights of The Lord of the Rings or any of it's affiliated works. I am not earning any money from this short story, just a little bit of self-amusement.

Dedicated to all of the people left behind in fanfictions.

**My Best Friend Bamfed into Middle–earth**

**_…and left me behind._**

When Maple Sara and I became friends in first grade, I thought the world of her. Her clothes were so much prettier than mine, she was so much more talented than me, and her Barbie collection was so much more expansive than mine. And, that's how life went on till we were pre-teens. My blond hair turned dirty, hers turned platinum. I didn't mind, however. We were still friends. We went everywhere together; she treated me like an equal. That was, until _The Fellowship of the Ring_ came out on DVD.

Don't get me wrong; we both loved the movies. We both loved ogling at the parade of extremely attractive men. We both loved the really pretty dresses that the Elves, both men and women, wore. We both loved to fantasize about going to Middle-earth as Elves and marrying various extremely attractive men. Then, on a sleepover at her house, we decided to watch _The Fellowship of the Ring_, the extended edition, which she just got for Christmas. I pulled out beanbag chairs and she hit the play button. Something unusual happened. It didn't play. Instead, a big hole appeared in front of the TV, just hanging in mid-air. A really deep, comforting voice spoke.

"Joining hands, unite two friends  
in the fantastic land of Middle-earth.  
They pass through to whatever ends  
The portal will prove their worth."

We looked at each other in amazement, and suddenly Maple shoved me hard into the beanbags. By the time I managed to struggle to my feet again, the portal was gone, and the TV was a smoldering heap of melted plastic. Now I couldn't even finish watching the movie.

Of course, there was a police investigation. I told them my best friend had jumped through a portal in her TV to Middle-earth. Who do you think believed me? No one! I started hearing things like, "Oh, the poor traumatized child. The kidnapper probably scarred her innocent little mind." The only scarring I had was the nasty bruise I got on my rump when she threw me into the beanbags. How could she be so selfish?

I began to fantasize about how perfect Maple Sara would be eaten by Orcs. She'd be basking in the sun on the plains of Rohan, when those hungry Uruk-hai from the second movie would come upon her, and with many squeals of delight, rip her to pieces and eat her alive. She'd be rescuing Frodo from Shelob, and the spider would suck her into bones and skin. She'd be fighting besides Aragorn in the third movie, and an Oliphant would squish her into a bloody paste.

Three years passed, and Maple didn't come back. I was a social reject, but hope was in sight with my senior year. I was going to leave my history in this dump. In the middle of the night (my senior prom, of course no one would take me), when I was finally reading the books that the movies had been made from and enjoying them a lot more than I thought I would, someone tapped my shoulder. Thinking it was my little brother; I ignored it. "Go away!" I snarled.

"Oh, Jane!" a hoarse voice with an obviously stuffy nose whispered behind me.

I finally turned around. It was Maple, and it didn't look like she had married Legolas either. I was so shocked and caught between hugging her and burying my mechanical pencil in her chest that I just sat and stared.

As it turned out, Middle-earth wasn't a very friendly place. I probably was very lucky that she had been so selfish. She had landed in Minas Tirith, only to find that no one spoke English, and there was a terrible war going on. She had been living on the streets of Minas Tirith as a beggar for three years. Two fingers she lost as punishment for stealing food. The dye job she had gotten on her hair had long since been cut away because lice infested her hair. The worst smell hung around her, a mixture of rotten fruit, sweat, and manure. She had contracted some sort of disease that was killing many street urchins in the city, after deforming them with horrible lumps all over their bodies. After she told me her long, horrible imprisonment in Middle-earth, she told me about how she was lying in an alley, feeling as though she was going to die, when the portal opened up before her and said something very strange.

"Ignorance is the fruit of evil  
To fantasies one cannot cling.  
Of a friend, you made a rival  
Of your lust, you crafted nothing."

Maple Sara looked at me with her pocked face, picking at her meager rags, and croaked, "So, do you forgive me?"

I never answered, but I did call 911.


End file.
